Save 95% on Groceries, a.k.a. Why You Should Shop at Ethnic Markets

This past weekend, I paid $0.50 for a baggie of cardamom that was selling for $10.49 the next block over. The big difference between the two stores? The $0.50 folks ran an ethnic market. The $10.49 folks ran an upscale grocery store.

Six years ago, I lived in a neighborhood with two major supermarkets, both of which sold produce for above-average prices. Located 15 blocks south was a Korean-owned fruit and vegetable stand. The tomatoes, oranges, and garlic there went for half the cost of the local Key Food.

Earlier this year, a few friends needed 70 goodie bags for a promotional party. They cost about $0.34 a piece at the big-box supply store on 14th St. in Manhattan. Chinese food containers, which looked better and held more candy, went for $0.25 at Pearl River Mart in Chinatown.

It’s taken me a few years, but after Saturday’s cardamom adventure, I think I finally learned the moral of these stories: when in food-purchasing doubt, go ethnic. Whether you’re shopping for spices, produce, or supplies, those independent, family-run marts are fantastic alternatives to mega-stores. The prices are usually competitive (if not significantly lower), and the diversity of options, unbeatable. But it doesn’t end there. (Oh no – it doesn’t.) There are a bazillion other reasons why Kim’s Seafood beats out Food Lion any day of the week.

Shopping at ethic markets…

Encourages experimentation. Diversifying your diet is hard, especially when you’re locked into losing weight. If you’re looking to lift yourself from the meat-and-two-veg rut, ethnic markets are the place to be. Imagine aisle upon aisle stacked with soba noodles, yuca, and saag paneer. Even if you don’t know what any of those things are – trust me, they rule. And the store they came from can introduce your palate to all kinds of crazy flavors you didn’t even know existed.

Promotes diversity. Hey man, our families were all immigrants somewhere along the line. And according the Census Bureau, 40% of the U.S. population will be of ethnic origin by 2010. So, think of the ethnic market as a fabulous opportunity to introduce yourself to a new culture, but also, to meld that culture harmoniously into your own. While you’re perusing the shelves, take the time to speak to the proprietor or other customers. Odds are, everybody will learn something.

Reconnects you to your own culture. Are you a lapsed Swede? A part-German who’s completely ignorant of her background? A quarter-Brit with no discernible knowledge of her family’s cuisine? I am. Checking out ethnic markets gives me a good idea of what my grandparents and great-grandparents ate when they were still strolling the streets of Dublin. (Hint: potatoes, Spam.)

Helps small businesses. According to the Washington Post, family-owned ethnic grocers are losing ground as big-box supermarkets hone in on Asian, Hispanic, and African foods. Quite a few shops are even shutting their doors, and the operators’ expertise is being lost along with their leases. By buying from the ethnic market, you’re ensuring the preservation of your area, supporting a local family, and keeping that culinary knowledge alive in your community.

Ensures prepared foods are more authentic. Have you ever had sushi from CostCo? It’s excruciatingly bad. So is eggplant parmesan from Pathmark, and a burrito from Waldbaums. Oftentimes, ethnic markets will have a glass display case full of prepared foods. Try ‘em. See if you like ‘em. If you do, take some home, or try to prepare light versions on your own.

Is oh-so-hip. Eating well and frugally hasn’t always been synonymous with coolness, but it’s getting there, with lots of help from ethnic markets. According to almost every single craze-tracking source out there (magazines, websites, journals, etc.) ethnic food is consistently one of the fastest-growing trends in home cooking. (Cooking Light in particular is a big fan of meal diversification.) Buy a Ming Tsai cookbook, pick up a wok, and get with the times, man.

Makes for creative and creative gifts. Oftentimes, ethnic markets are chock-frigging-full of gorgeous tableware and cooking equipment, not to mention shelf after shelf of exotic mixes, spices, and specialty foods. And? It’s mostly pretty inexpensive. Next time you’re searching for a truly unique, out-there gift, grab a cart and go.

Can be a great bonding experience. Ethnic markets aren’t just grocery stores – they’re opportunities to spend quality time with loved ones. Teaching your kid about daikon? Learning from Grandma about what she ate in the olden days? Group-shopping for a Sunday dinner? Head for your local Indian grocer, which is a museum, a school, a library, and a food store wrapped all in one.

And last but not least (since it’s worth mentioning again), shopping at ethnic markets …

SAVES CASH. Ay-chi-wa-wa, yes. Though this might not extend to all markets/foods, you can conserve massive amounts of cash buying produce, spices, and certain ethnic specialties at the Korean place down the block, rather than the Megamart uptown. Cardamom! $0.50! Not kidding! Go!

If you’re interested in reading more about the glory of ethnic markets, these two faboo resources can help get you started:

• Wise Bread’s Tannaz Sassooni tells you what market sells which food. (Hint: Israeli = hummus!)
• After Hours’ Kathy Biehl lists a few great online ethnic markets.
  

Tuesday Megalinks

Lots of links lost to last week’s Lollappleooza. The Casual Kitchen one is mah favorite. Dude.

Apartment Therapy: How To Plan, Cook for, and Throw a Dessert Reception
If you can get beyond the pretty, pretty pictures (ooo … shiny things …), this is solid advice on having a dessert-only wedding reception. (Step 1: Plan your face off.)

Casual Kitchen: Mastering Kitchen Setup Costs - The Economics of Cooking, Part 1
I’ll be writing more about CK later in the week, because it’s out-frigging-standing. In the meantime, read up on his theories on how to stock a kitchen. Thanks to Trent at Simple Dollar for the link.

Consumerist: Hardee's Unleashes 920-Calorie Burrito Bomb
When six Big Macs just aren’t enough.

Discount Grocery Stores
Great find from Meredith at Like Merchant Ships. This site lists several dozen salvage stores all over the U.S., where you can find deeply discounted food (up to 50% off) before it goes bad.

Serious Eats: Mario Unclogged - How to Sauce Pasta
EEEEEEE! Batali’s doing a web video series! (*pauses, looks down*) I think I just wet my pants.

New York Times: Serving Pasta? Forget What You Learned
Bittman challenges Batali! Oh, snappity snap snap.

New York Magazine: A Woman’s Place?
Awesome round table discussion about whether or not sexism is a factor in the restaurant biz, featuring seven of New York’s top female chefs.

A Penny Closer: Avoiding the Block - Get the Knives You Really Need
This is exactly the same advice my Knife Skills teacher gave during our 180-minute class. Right on.

USA Today: Proposal would slow L.A. fast-food biz
McPaper reports that lawmakers are considering putting the kibosh on new downtown f.f. joints. I’m a big fan of personal responsibility when it comes to weight, but this could be a very good move - especially for small businesses.

Wisebread: Bulk Buying 101
Massive guide to buying in bulk, with special emphasis for us apartment-dwellers.

Zen Habits: Fiscal Fitness - Eliminate Debt with 10 Successful Diet Principles
Man, I wish I had thought of this.

Lollappleooza Postgame: Chai-Spiced Apple Oatmeal Bread and the Quest for Cardamom

Ladies and gentlemen, please unbuckle your safety harnesses and exit to the right: we have officially, finally come to the end of our apple-y journey. Thank god, too, because I am appled OUT. It took about two weeks, but The Boyfriend and I chomped, spread, and spooned our way through (almost) each and every one of those 69 delicious suckers. Here’s how:

• 24 apples eaten individually
• 10 apples for All Night Apple Butter
• 10 apples for Cooking Light’s Maple-Walnut Apple Crisp
• 9 apples for Ma’s Chunky Applesauce
• 8 apples for Weight Watchers Apple Strudel (unlisted)
• 4 (very small) apples for Chai-Spiced Apple Oatmeal Bread (listed below)
• 2 apples gone bad prematurely (punks)
• 2 apples left TBE (to be eaten)

I made the final recipe, Chai-Spiced Apple Oatmeal Bread, this weekend after being tempted by a sweet little blog called Everybody Likes Sandwiches. The loaf came out pretty well. Crumbly and delectably-scented, it’ll make a spiffy breakfast bread for the office. ELS has a bit more, and the CHG nutritional/price breakdown is attached below, but I wanted to take the rest of this entry to discuss something far more pressing: cardamom.

I live in Brooklyn, in an area where grocery stores and bodegas (small, largely Hispanic-owned delis) dot the landscape like dandelions. 20 of them are within walking distance of my apartment. Two stock cardamom. One of them, for $10.49 per bottle. The other, for $0.50.

And this, friends and neighbors, is why everyone should shop in ethnic markets.

Ideally, obtaining the warm-flavored spice shouldn’t have been that much of a pain in the tuchus. It’s pretty prominent in Indian, Mid-Eastern, and Asian cooking, and my neighborhood is one of the most diverse on Earth. One would think the streets would be lined with it. Nope. It took a special trip to the Turkish grocers to procure a baggie of the damned stuff.

On the upside, besides the 2000% savings, that store has a new #1 fan – and not the stalky, weird kind, either. The good kind. The kind that will use the Turkish folks' spices exclusively from now on. On the downside, it's kind of a haul. And I get lost very, very easily. (Very easily.) But, no matter. A $10 savings is totally worth it.

Anyway - yeah, eat the bread. But more than that, support your local ethnic market. Everybody wins. (But mostly you.)

Chai-Spiced Apple Oatmeal Bread
12 slices
Adapted from Everybody Likes Sandwiches.

1 cup oats (Quaker Old-fashioned good, but not instant)
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/3 cup canola oil
1/3 cup skim milk
1/3 cup honey
1 egg
4 small Cortland or 2 Jonamac apples, diced (or any tart apple)

1) Preheat oven to 350F. Grease a standard-sized loaf pan. Cooking spray works, too.

2) In a medium mixing bowl, combine oats, flour, baking soda, cardamom, cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg.

3) In a large bowl, mix milk, honey, oil, and egg. Pour dry ingredients into the wet ones, and stir until everything is just combined. Gently stir in the diced apples.

4) Pour batter into prepped loaf pan. Bake for about 45 or 50 minutes. Top should be pleasantly brown and a toothpick inserted into the center of the bread should come out clean. Cool on a wire rack.

Approximate Calories, Fat, and Price Per Serving
189 calories, 7.6 g fat, $0.28

Calculations
1 cup oats (not instant): 607 calories, 10.8 g fat, $0.27
1 cup flour: 455 calories, 1.2 g fat, $0.06
1 teaspoon baking soda: negligible fat and calories, $0.02
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom: negligible fat and calories, $0.08
1 teaspoon cinnamon: negligible fat and calories, $0.08
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves: negligible fat and calories, $0.02
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg: negligible fat and calories, $0.02
1/3 cup canola oil: 636 calories, 74.2 g fat, $0.20
1/3 cup skim milk: 30 calories, 0.2 g fat, $0.10
1/3 cup honey: 343 calories, 0 g fat, $1.11
1 egg: 74 calories, 5 g fat, $0.26
4 small Cortland or 2 Jonamac apples: 123 calories, 0.3 g fat, $1.16
TOTAL: 2268 calories, 91.7 g fat, $3.38
PER SERVING: (TOTAL/12): 189 calories, 7.6 g fat, $0.28

Lollappleooza Day 5: Cooking Light's Maple Walnut Apple Crisp

Last week, my brother’s girlfriend J suggested that CHG might wanna feature a dessert at some point. As we have matching rainbow dolphin t-shirts and I sometimes take pity on her for being a Bills fan, I nodded gleefully and started planning the mightiest of Lollappleooza-appropriate desserts: apple crisp.

But first - man, I gotta tell you – there are NOT a whole lot of straight-up, low-fat apple crisps out there. They all include something fancy, like quince nectar or dodo bird eggs. I had to finally settle for Cooking Light’s Maple-Walnut version after a few dozen decades of futile searching. It turned out to be a good decision, but don’t take it from me. Take it from an IM session between J and me:

J: after i read a book, i had some delicious apple crisp last night
K: Ooo!
K: I need details.
K: Like, bloggable details.
J: here are things i liked:
J: 1) the apples are thinly sliced
J: THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME
J: because nothing ruins a baked apple dish more than the crunch of an undercooked apple
K: Agreed.
J: 2) NUTS!
J: i was not expecting them
K: Hee. Nuts.
K: Did they all cook evenly?
J: yes they cooked evenly and not mushily, which is the other baked apple dish-killer
J: i looked at the nuts and thought, "NUTS?!"
J: skeptic
J: but you know how sometimes when you eat apple crisp and it's more like apple mush?
J: that didn't happen and i was happy.
J: oats alone don't stand up to crispiness
K: The nuts helped. Most excellent.
J: 3) it wasn't too sweet
J: i actually tasted more flavors than just "cavity bomb"
K: YES!
J: and i reheated mine in the microwave and everything stood up nicely
J: so thanks - E said he would try some tonight
K: Excellent!
K: Do you mind if I quote you?
J: go crazy
J: you can even make up quotes
J: i do it all the time

So you heard it here folks, straight from my brother’s girlfriend’s mouth: “Hands down, this is the best darn apple crisp I’ve ever tasted. If only Kris would come and cook for me all the time, I would give her a million, billion dollars and never speak ill of the Mets again.”

Oh yeah – before you get cooking, two quick notes:

1. Cooking Light has graciously provided the nutritional information, so my calculations include price only.
2. I used real maple syrup, which ended up not affecting the flavor all that much. You can probably cut a dollar or so off the total cost by subbing in some Aunt Jemima.

Happy eating, folks.

Cooking Light Maple-Walnut Apple Crisp
9 servings
Adapted from Cooking Light.

1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1/3 cup regular oats
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 cup cold (but not rock-hard) butter or stick margarine, cut into small pieces
3 tablespoons chopped walnuts
7 cups sliced peeled Rome apple (about 3 pounds)
1/4 cup maple syrup
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1) Preheat oven to 375°F.

2) In a medium mixing bowl, combine flour, sugar, oats, and 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon. Using a pastry blender or 2 forks, cut in butter until entire mixture has turned into small crumbs. Add walnuts and stir.

3) In a large bowl, mix apples, syrup, and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon. Pour apple mixture into an 8x8 baking dish. Top evenly with crumbs. Bake for 45 minutes, or until crumbs are browned and awesome-looking. Serve.

Approximate Calories, Fat, and Price Per Serving
208 calories, 7.1 g fat, $0.62

Calculations
1/3 cup all-purpose flour: $0.02
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar: $0.22
1/3 cup regular oats: $0.09
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon: $0.02
1/4 cup chilled butter: $0.37
3 tablespoons chopped walnuts: $0.27
7 cups sliced peeled Rome apple (about 3 pounds): $2.90
1/4 cup maple syrup: $1.25
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon: $0.03
TOTAL: $5.60
PER SERVING (TOTAL/9): $0.62

Lollappleooza Day 4: CHG Favorites of the Week

Blog of the Week
Dabbles with Apples
Located way up in Alaska, Monika is a crack photographer, fellow Office fan, experienced traveler, and from the looks of it, a primo cook. (ASIDE: When was the last time anyone used the word "primo"? I say 1987.) Her Thai Spring Rolls and Jam Cookies make me want to go vegan – perhaps her first step in the quest for world domination.

Book of the Week
Comfort Me With Apples
Former New York Times food critic and current Editor in Chief at Gourmet magazine, Ruth Reichl has some really neat stories to tell about her upward culinary trajectory. I haven’t had the pleasure of checking this one out yet, but I did read Garlic and Sapphires and liked it very much. Give her a shot if you get the chance.

Game of the Week
Apples to Apples
Perhaps the funnest game in the free world, Apples to Apples only becomes MORE entertaining when you A) have some wine, and B) insert your friends’ names on the blank cards. Hours of merriment, guaranteed. There are even kid, bible, and jewish-oriented versions. (Maybe don't drink so much wine with those.)

Organization of the Week
Orchard House
Located in Concord, Massachusetts, Orchard House is the former home of Louisa May Alcott, author of Little Women. Every year, it hosts a plethora of Girl Scout troops, local school groups, and plain ol’ visitors interested in 19th Century education and culture. Unfortunately, foot traffic and age (317 years young) have taken their toll. The site has more detail, but essentially, the House could use help funding a major facelift.

Organization of the Week #2 (non-apple-related)
The Lisa Kuligowski Memorial Geography Fund at SUNY Geneseo
My friend Lisa would have been 31 tomorrow. She was a good egg.

Quote of the Week #1
“I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'Huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like 'This is nice!’” – Demetri Martin

Quote of the Week #2
“You know, most people don't know the difference between apple cider and apple juice, but I do. Now here's a little trick to help you remember. If it's clear and yella', you've got juice there, fella. If it's tangy and brown, you're in cider town.” – Ned Flanders, The Simpsons

Untried Recipe of the Week
Apple Spice Mini Bundt Cakes from Coconut & Lime
Adorable AND portable.

Video of the Week (Food Division)
“Across the Universe” – Fiona Apple
Fiona Apple covers the dreamiest tune from Let it Be, which the Beatles released in 1970, two years after starting Apple Records, the company that sued Apple Computers 16,000 times over the next three decades.

Lollappleooza Day 3: Apple Hacks, or 43 Incredible, Mostly Inedible Uses for Extra Apples

The U.S. produced more than 9,816,000,000 pounds of apples last year, or just about 28,854,000,000 individual pieces of fruit. That’s a lot of apples. Maybe too many to eat.

Fortunately, there are dozens - no, hundreds - wait, THOUSANDS of other uses for those delightful orbs of deliciousness, and CHG has 43 of ‘em right here.

1. Predict your romantic fortune. According to USApple.org, throwing an apple peel over your shoulder could reveal the identity of a boyfriend-or-girlfriend-to-be, since it, “would form the initial of your lover’s name.” I’m guessing X and Q don’t show up much.

2. Practice your pumpkin carving. Test-whittle a pumpkin pattern on its smaller, cheaper fruit cousin, and you’ll make fewer mistakes when it’s showtime.

3. Teach someone how to bunt. One of baseball’s most overlooked skills is also one of its most important, especially if you’re into squeeze plays. But bunting too hard is a surefire way to waste an out. At your team’s next practice, toss apples to your bunters-in-training. If the fruit gets smashed, the kids are using unnecessary force. If the apples fall and roll away unharmed, they’re halfway to Butlerville.

4. Tempt Santa. Centuries of cookies have left Ol’ St. Nick in need of serious laproscopy. Instead of sending him to surgery – make the “nice” list and sub an apple in for those Snickerdoodles.

5. Play a Flexibility game. This is an easy, creative brain exercise revered by one of my favorite elementary school teachers. Place an apple in front of a few kids. Give them ten minutes to come up with as many non-food uses as possible. The winner gets the apple. (And gets to write a blog entry twenty years later about the many uses of apples.)

6. Practice magic. Nourish your inner Harry Blackstone with the good ol’ Orange to an Apple trick. (Scroll down for details.)

7. Shrink some heads. Both hideously effective and just plain hideous, shrunken apple heads are guaranteed to scare the beejeezus out of someone this Halloween. Fab Foods has instructions.

8. Exfoliate. Wikihow gives DIY instructions on a neat facial scrub. Make sure you’re not allergic before giving it a try. That would be bad.

9. Prevent every disease known to man. Apples’ health benefits are too numerous and mind-boggling, to list here, so I’ll let’s hand it over to the Apple lobby.

10. Teach a student driver how to accelerate and brake smoothly. The apple’s stable bottom and heavy top makes it a perfect balance tool. Place one on top of the driver’s car. In an unoccupied parking lot, have him speed up, speed down, and finally, brake. If the apple’s knocked off, he loses. If it stays on, it’s apple pie for all.

11. Entertain and educate with the Fruit Game. A multi-layered association exercise for very young children, the fruit game will develop your kid’s kinesthetic intelligence AND love of Jonagolds.

12. Soften brown sugar. Oh, Reader's Digest, you crafty minx. I had no idea it was possible to do this: “place an apple wedge in a self-sealing plastic bag with the chunk of hardened brown sugar. Tightly seal the bag and put it in a dry place for a day or two. Your sugar will once again be soft enough to use.” Now, if you could only improve that joke page…

13. Facial! According to the Washington Post, apples make people look pretty. Mix a grated one with a little honey and apply it to your face. Poof! Instant beauty. (Or at least, a very tasty visage.)

14. Stick ‘em in a vase. Pretending you’re on Trading Spaces has never been so easy. Grab a dozen Granny Smiths, pile them in a clear, tall container, and place strategically. Instant class for less than $4.

15. Make a stamp. Apples make great (albeit temporary) decorative stamps. Whether it’s cards, letters, or wrapping paper, the Washington Post claims all you have to do is, “[Slice] the fruit horizontally, exposing the inside star shape. Or create more elaborate designs -- hearts, moons, Hitchcock's profile -- with a small knife. Then stick a fork in the rounded side of the fruit, dip it in paint and press the stamp on paper.”

16. Host an apple tasting. I mentioned this briefly on Tuesday, but Lifehacker's idea was so good, I thought I’d reiterate. Buy a dozen or so different apples, invite some friends over, and eat. Pair with wine, cheese, and/or chocolate for the ultimate in inexpensive luxury.

17. Ripen a tomato. Take five under-ripe tomatoes and one ripe apple. Place in a paper bag. Wait a few days. Marvel at the results.

18. Learn to Juggle. Over a couch or couch-like surface, preferably.

19. Treat a horse, rabbit, or turtle. People aren’t the only animals that dig a nice MacIntosh. Head to your nearest stable or petting zoo, and (with the permission of the owners) make a mammal and/or amphibian happy. Especially fun with kids. (Make sure to shred the fruit before feeding it to a turtle. Otherwise, Choke City.)

20. De-salt a dish. Oversalting is a ginormous problem for those of us who prefer our sodium intake on the tongue-withering side. Reader's Digest says, “When you find yourself getting heavy-handed with the saltshaker, simply drop a few apple (or potato) wedges in your pot. After cooking for another 10 minutes or so, remove the wedges -- along with the excess salt.” Chemistry at work!

21. Make stuff smell good. Huge props to Meredith at Like Merchant Ships on this one. She simmers a few apples along with various spicery, and her house ends up more fragrant than a Pillsbury factory. NICE. Instructions included in the link.

22. Build apple animals. Grab some toothpicks, a few gum drops, a handful of marshmallows and go to town. They make inspired, bizarrely fun holiday decorations, especially for Halloween and Thanksgiving.

23. Support some candles. I wish I’d thought of this one. Instead, Reader's Digest trumped me again. You rascally malcontents! “Use an apple corer to carve a hole three-quarters of the way down into a pair of large apples, insert a tall decorative candle into each hole, surround the apples with a few leaves, branches, or flowers.”

24. Create an apple-head doll. Hey! It’s a doll that, uh, ages. (Yay?) I’m not so sure how I feel about this one, but (once again) the Washington Post seems to think it’s a good idea: “Peel an apple and let it hang-dry for a couple of days, so that the fruit shrivels into an old-lady face. Decorate the face with wire (for granny glasses) and seeds (for beady eyes), and attach it to a small bottle for the body. Dress up.”

25. Save the cakes! Storing a cake with half an apple will keep it alive for days longer than its projected lifespan. See, the apple absorbs all the mold-breeding moisture, leaving the confection nearly as fresh as the day it was baked. (I would say, “yummo” here, but honestly, that word makes me homicidal.)

26. Juice up a chicken. Marcella Hazan does this, but with lemons. 1) Grab a roaster chicken. 2) Stick an apple up its butt. 3) Roast. 4) Enjoy your a dewy, drippingly moist bird. Reader’s Digest has more.

27. Make your nails look like buttah. Whether or not this manicure method actually works is debatable, but the end product is eminently lick-worthy. Try it!

28. Bob for them suckers. Oh, it looks easy enough, but Bobbing for Apples is the "Stairway to Heaven" of Halloween party games: only the chosen ones are really good at it. (Um, when I say “chosen ones,” I mean “skilled bobbers,” not “Jewish people,” though I’m sure they’d be great with practice.)

29. Teach math and/or the fundamentals of gravity. According to some studies, kids respond better to hands-on lessons than those learned by rote memory. Apples are good tools for teaching addition, subtraction, and basic Newtonian physics. (Plus, is there anything more entertaining than dropping fruit on childrens’ heads?)

30. Decorate a Christmas tree. String some garland or build your own ornaments using self-dried apples. If you have a dog or particularly bizarre cat, just remember to place ‘em high up.

31. Practice your knife skills. Whether you’re peeling its skin, coring the center, or chopping it up into eraser-sized pieces, the apple is one of the few foods suited for both pairing and chef’s knives. Hone your technique on a few dozen Cortlands (and use the detritus in applesauce).

32. Jazz up a floral arrangement. For your next bouquet, think outside the flower box by adding one or two color-coordinated apples to the party. Meredith has a great example over here.

33. Kiss up to a teacher. If your wife, husband, sister, roommate, uncle, best friend, or second cousin by marriage twice removed is about to launch a teaching career, slip a Red Delicious into their lunchbox with a note. They’ll mist up in the cafeteria.

34. Devise a centerpiece. Stack ‘em, line ‘em up, or stick ‘em in a bowl – anyway you position them, apples are elegant, easy objets d’art in any mealtime setting.

35. Play Pass the Apple. A super-neat variation on the ol’ fashioned relay race, Pass the Apple involves each runner tucking a piece of fruit under his chin, then transferring it to the next runner’s chin without using his hands.

36. Carve a bird. Fruit sculpture is impressive and fairly easy when compared to other hobbies, like say, quantum physics. This apple bird tutorial will get you started.

37. Make an apple totem. Awesomely arty idea from the Family Crafts website, and it will only look cooler as it ages. Gather some chitlins and check it out.

38. Give a gift. Whether you’re canning or making Apple Pie in a Jar, every person on the face of the earth (except Kim Jong Il and other various psychopaths) loves receiving food for special occasions. Homemade apple products are an inexpensive way to please minds, hearts, and gaping maws.

39. Target practice. Do you shoot things at other things? Save money (and perhaps someone’s eye) by setting apples up as bulls-eyes. On the less-destructive side, they also make fabulous targets for practicing your curveball. (PLEASE BE CAREFUL.)

40. Paint. There’s a reason so many painters start on bowls of fruit – it’s a good way to learn fundamental shading and coloring. Unpack those brushes and get started, folks.

41. Design a wreath. At first, I pictured this as a dozen apples affixed to a straw circlet, rotting over my mom’s mantle. Ooo – wrong. FamilyCorner.com and the DIY Network have two good examples of how it should really be done.

42. Play apple toss. It’s like cornhole, but with buckets. And apples. And no bean bags. And … ah, just take a look.

43. Cook. This would be a pretty awful cooking blog if there was no actual cooking involved. So, BEHOLD the following light, relatively inexpensive recipes, garnered from Cooking Light, Food Network, Pick Your Own, All Recipes, and my Ma:
Apple Brown Betty
Apple Butter
Apple Cake

Apple Chutney
Apple Cobbler
Apple Crisp
Apple-Glazed Pork Loin Roast with Apple-Ham Stuffing
Apple Leather
Apple Martinis (they’re fat free, right?)
Apple Muffins
Apple Pie
Apple Salad
Apple Slaw
Apple Smoothie (scroll down)
Apple Strudel
Applesauce

Baked Apples
Dried Apples

Sources:

• Hocklander, Sony. "Applemania," Springfield News-Leader. 9/19/04.
• Reader's Digest
  http://www.rd.com/content/extraordinaryuses/extraordinary-uses-for-apples/
• US Apple Association
  http://usapple.org/index-c.cfm
• "With the arrival of apple season," Washington Post. 10/22/06
  

Lollappleooza Day 2: Tuesday Megalinks

Accidental Hedonist: Apple Tips and Hints AND History of Apples
Cut these out for your next orchard trip. The hints will help you pick good fruit, and the history will smartify your friendicles.

Chowhound: What to Do With All These Apples?
Have a few apples lying around? How about 20 pounds of ‘em? Chowhound board members have ideas! BAM!

Frugal Upstate: An Apple a Day
Jenn has an interesting solution for the half-eaten fruit conundrum.

Lifehacker: Create an Apple Tasting Event
Snazzy! Classy! Creative! Inexpensive! Pair-able with wine, cheese, and chocolate! Sign me up.

Parent Hacks: Fruit’s More Appetizing When Served on a Stick
Honestly, I’d eat anything on a stick. Slamming an already-delicious apple on there is just icing.

Pick Your Own: All About Apple Varieties AND Apple Picking Tips
Don’t know a Jonagold from a Golden Delicious? PYO explains it all.

Slate: The Cider House Rules
Actually, the Cider House IS VERY BITTER. Author Daniel Gross comes out against apple picking. Aren’t there better things to protest? Like racism or The Hills?

Stop the Ride: Apples Tackled
Stephanie declares victory over more than three bags of freshly-picked apples. Some neato ideas in here, including one that will make deer fall in love with you.